how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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