it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
