youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
