Duck Duck Cougar?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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