there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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