I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
