frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
