I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
