So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
did i just pee glitter
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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