I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
