We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
