Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
