i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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