I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
