My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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