Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
