good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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