hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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