.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
