It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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