his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
