glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
