Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
