you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
