today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
