He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
