my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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