So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
