She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
