Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
