i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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