She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
