we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize