i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
