are you still at the devil's house?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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