I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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