a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.