oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.