He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I cuddled with a man named Pickles