goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?