if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.