he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
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my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
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Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.