we made out on top of his cat.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.