I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
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All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
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I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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