someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize