I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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