Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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