i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
