Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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