There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
