I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I need help removing her.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
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The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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