woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize