Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
