so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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