i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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