I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
