marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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