just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
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You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
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Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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