My friends, they love my intelligence
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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