If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
