no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
