We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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