is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
