Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
