I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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