As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
