On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
