Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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