Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I didn't notice because vodka
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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