I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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