he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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