I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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