No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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