OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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