im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
PANTIES FOUND
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