oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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