i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
