I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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