i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
