You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
