3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
